How To Party Like A Mother

"Who here is afraid of black people?"

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 12:38:29 -0500

I just found a page in my notebook of “jokes” and it says this:

Marijuana

- The last weed you sold me made me really offensive. I couldn’t stop typing in all caps. Maury. NY

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN

-Job-, Jizz, No GFs

-Red Bull-

-Autism Party- Ahh Mutants

Who here is afraid of black people?

Girls and how it makes me feel :(

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 16:50:19 -0500

I guess I really don’t know what to say other then when I Googled “Lena Dunham bmi” I saw that she’s a size 8. A SIZE 8?! I am a size 8!! The worst part is that this upsets me. I’m upset that I’m upset that we’re the same size, I really mean that. I wish I didn’t need to Google “Lena Dunham bmi” but I had to. I couldn’t do anything else today until I found out if she was (from a scientific standpoint) overweight. I feel like I have to stop making fat jokes completely. Also, I can’t tell if the show is a drama or a comedy. Either way it makes me feel too many fake emotions and I just think I should get a job but I don’t want to finish college.

YOU GUYSSSSSSS :((((((((((((((

I’m taking this blog in a new direction. Here’s a...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 19:05:00 -0400

I’m taking this blog in a new direction. Here’s a picture of me eating a flesh-colored Popsicle in my swimming clothes.

I’m going to add my “bio” to this for “career” purposes since this obviously has to be my official “head shot”.

“Mimi Vilmenay” is a stand-up comedian. She talks a lot about how much she hates her children because it’s relatable (most people hate children). She lived in Port-au-Prince, Haiti as a child and thinks she’s really special because of this. She loves her dogs and her boyfriend and hopes she never has to work that hard because she tires easily.

Haha relationships right

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:20:31 -0400

Haha relationships right

courtingcomedy: Tonight: Cameron Vannini @ Milk Bar. 1840...

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 16:18:36 -0400

courtingcomedy:

Tonight: Cameron Vannini @ Milk Bar. 1840 Haight St. SF. Free. 8PM. Featuring Jeff Anaya, Richard Dreyling, Eric Barry, Mimi Vilmenay, and Josh Marcus. Hosted by Matt Lieb.

Why don’t you guys come watch me tell these jokes at Milk...

Mon, 24 Sep 2012 21:03:51 -0400

Why don’t you guys come watch me tell these jokes at Milk Bar on Haight st. tomorrow night? 8pm (maybe?) FREE
Cameron Vanini headlines (he’s funny!)

laughingsquid: Vintage Ads That Promoted Dangerous &...

Thu, 30 Aug 2012 00:48:09 -0400

laughingsquid:

Vintage Ads That Promoted Dangerous & Unhealthy Products

Storks can deliver babies AND perform very late term abortions. Who knew!

Photo

Thu, 30 Aug 2012 00:40:14 -0400

Things I txt the father of (one of) my children

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 17:10:58 -0400

Things I txt the father of (one of) my children

Sorry about your PTSD.

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 03:15:58 -0400

Hey, it’s okay. Really. It is. PTSD does suck but if you take drugs or meditate to try to forget whatever terrible things you may have seen (google image search “hematoma”) then you can lead a normal life. I like to do drugs and yoga and all that kind of baloney but everyone is different.

If you have PTSD too I hope you’re taking care of yourself. There is nothing to be afraid of. (Except for the very possible threat of alien invasion and shark attacks.)

Also, not that I’m paranoid but Anonymous is so vague. Are you a spy?

(that was another PTSD joke)

THURSDAY NIGHT!

Tue, 07 Aug 2012 11:33:11 -0400

THURSDAY NIGHT!

If I had to choose between Slater and Zach I would choose dying...

Wed, 01 Aug 2012 21:36:16 -0400

If I had to choose between Slater and Zach I would choose dying in a fire.

Check it out. Google image search my last name. Hella black...

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 23:35:57 -0400

Check it out. Google image search my last name. Hella black people and a monster and some fine chick and then me right in the middle probably saying something racist in the Mission.
Word y’all.

holymaurymotherofgod: preach This is the best thing I have...

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 00:46:21 -0400

holymaurymotherofgod:

preach

This is the best thing I have ever seen.

It’s not funny, really. I just go through these phases...

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 00:24:12 -0400

It’s not funny, really. I just go through these phases (alcohol) and I like to say things that I know will make someone angry.

Sometimes I’ll come up with a joke that will seem really...

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 13:48:00 -0400

Sometimes I’ll come up with a joke that will seem really funny to me but then I get insecure and I will doubt that it’s funny or accurate or fair. Mainly I go over 140 characters and I don’t like offending people.

Ska is a touchy subject for a lot of people. (trombones)

This is one of many Aborted Tweets.

Here's a real conversation I had with my boyfriend.

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 00:02:05 -0400

We’ve been touching each others privates for a couple years, so maybe it’s time to talk about maybe getting married (someday).

Boyfriend said, “your engagement ring will be here at the end of the month. I have between 1-60 days to propose. You don’t know when it’s gonna happen. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe in two months.”

And I replied, “Fuck you.”

Healthiest relationship ever? I think so! Honesty and communication are key. Maybe I will turn this into a relationship blog. My divorce still isn’t final so obviously I’m doing something right! Feel free to send in your questions about love and relationships because I’ve had sex with enough people to know that if he says I love you after a couple of hours you should run and if you have a drinking problem and have never had anal sex …
you know what. Just, nevermind.

Kim KarDOGshian

Sat, 16 Jun 2012 00:37:59 -0400

Kim KarDOGshian

seankeane: This is how you remind me not to go to San Jose.

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 01:55:34 -0400

seankeane:

This is how you remind me not to go to San Jose.

Summer in San Francisco is hard for me because I can’t...

Wed, 30 May 2012 20:58:55 -0400

Summer in San Francisco is hard for me because I can’t seem to wear a scarf without looking like one of those lesbians that thinks she’s in a Middle Eastern street gang.