This my new favorite room in the city. It’s in the Tenderloin at 222 Hyde. I saw the cutest baby and a shoeless crackhead, they weren’t together though.
Last night I worked on my “OMG, I’m so pretty” jokes. It’s the only thing that got a good laugh. I need to add on to it though and discuss my post-traumatic sex disorder. PTSD is best described as extreme anxiety or fear brought on by paranoid thinking that everyone is trying to fuck you.
So, this one time I cheated on my husband. Twice actually. But this specific time I’m talking about happened in the fall of 2008. I met this nerd in my world religions class in community college (always keeping it classy) and we went to some ghetto party in Daly City. I got drunk and stayed at his house and we made out. He wanted to fuck and I said, “I just met you” and he said, “no you didn’t, you met me six weeks ago and my last name is blahblahblah”. Then he said, “It’s just sex”.
Mind blown. I couldn’t argue with that so we had sex and fell in love and I finally left my husband and then Mr. blahblahblah moved away three months later.
I was newly single and living alone for the first time ever as an adult. I didn’t want to slut it up too much but I knew I should make out with some dudes as freely as possible before someone knocked me up again. One night I was making out with some loser UCSC graduate and he was tall so I coyly suggested that we fuck. He said, “Let’s wait”.
I said, “If you’re not putting out now then I’m never coming back here again”.
I’m not here to play paper dolls. I’m here to fuck*.
*As of April 2011 I’m not here to fuck, not anymore. Now I’m here to cuddle my boyfriend and watch the Chipmunk Adventure and wait for him to impregnate me.
Oh my God. Who wears sweatpants at a strip club? I’ll tell you who.
I’ve heard that there’s a waffle house in Portland* that features exotic dancers. I’m going to go there for breakfast in my sweatpants and feel really good about myself. Bridgetown Comedy Festival here I come!
*just used the internet to look up the name of the club. It’s Acropolis Club and I’m going to eat some breakfast and watch some boobs.