June 2010
10 posts
4 tags
Don't Know Much About History
I decided to precariously hang an old Sony Hi8 HandyCam from a hook in my bedroom. It’s not exactly sturdy and it’s over my desk. I figured if it falls on my head while I’m working maybe I’ll think of something amazing. You know, like that one guy that had the apple fall on his head.
I went to my housemates to say, “Who was that guy? You know, the one that invented...
6 tags
Talkin' bout boobs.
My housemate just said to me (as I juggled three bowls of various vegan treats into the dining room), “If you drop your food you should eat it out of your boobs like a body shot. Then you could like, have salad running down your leg.”
Since I’m a comedian he thinks that he is too. (Only his ideas are “more like, visual” so he says).
To my stoner housemate I feel like he has unfortunately been...
6 tags
Crazy pills are dick magnets. Etc.
So, uh, I’m not sure really how to start this other than just stating that I am literally crazy. Like, clinically nuts. Bipolar, manic-depressive, what have you. No big deal, I take crazy pills when I feel like it. And, it’s loads of fun. LOADS. Here’s why.
Men love crazy bitches. I have reached a point in my life where I’ve realized it’s in my best interest to just let dudes know straight up, “Oh...
Yeah Cory, We all know I'm a mom.
My friend Cory txtd me to see what I was up to so naturally I told him I was smoking drugs with my smelly housemate. (This is REALLY what I do on Saturday nights.)
So, I told Cor I was listening to Gnarls Barkley remixes with ol’ Smelly. Cory then said…..
Cory: That’s soccer mom music.
Me: Oh I know. I’m wearing loungey sweatpants from old navy and a hoodie and my hair...
6 tags
Midwestern Tourists Hate Me and other things
Surprise, surprise! Under educated and unappreciative patrons of tacky seafood restaurants on Fisherman’s Wharf don’t want to hear me talk about how I spent my day getting high and rearranging all of the furniture in my house. The midwesterners didn’t want to hear about how excited I was to walk past the Boudin Bread Museum on my way to said tacky seafood restaurant/comedy club....
6 tags
COME TO THIS. →
