I guess I really don’t know what to say other then when I Googled “Lena Dunham bmi” I saw that she’s a size 8. A SIZE 8?! I am a size 8!! The worst part is that this upsets me. I’m upset that I’m upset that we’re the same size, I really mean that. I wish I didn’t need to Google “Lena Dunham bmi” but I had to. I couldn’t do anything else today until I found out if she was (from a scientific standpoint) overweight. I feel like I have to stop making fat jokes completely. Also, I can’t tell if the show is a drama or a comedy. Either way it makes me feel too many fake emotions and I just think I should get a job but I don’t want to finish college.
Hey, it’s okay. Really. It is. PTSD does suck but if you take drugs or meditate to try to forget whatever terrible things you may have seen (google image search “hematoma”) then you can lead a normal life. I like to do drugs and yoga and all that kind of baloney but everyone is different.
If you have PTSD too I hope you’re taking care of yourself. There is nothing to be afraid of. (Except for the very possible threat of alien invasion and shark attacks.)
Also, not that I’m paranoid but Anonymous is so vague. Are you a spy?
Here's a real conversation I had with my boyfriend.
We’ve been touching each others privates for a couple years, so maybe it’s time to talk about maybe getting married (someday).
Boyfriend said, “your engagement ring will be here at the end of the month. I have between 1-60 days to propose. You don’t know when it’s gonna happen. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe in two months.”
And I replied, “Fuck you.”
Healthiest relationship ever? I think so! Honesty and communication are key. Maybe I will turn this into a relationship blog. My divorce still isn’t final so obviously I’m doing something right! Feel free to send in your questions about love and relationships because I’ve had sex with enough people to know that if he says I love you after a couple of hours you should run and if you have a drinking problem and have never had anal sex …
you know what. Just, nevermind.
Oh hey guys. I’m still doing stand up. April 15th at 8pm at the San Francisco Punch Line. Google it and buy a ticket. Or two. Bring your significant other. If you don’t have a significant other you can sit with my boyfriend. He’s the tall guy with the nose.