How To Party Like A Mother

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The time my dad told me I was a black woman and I should be proud.

I should start off by saying I’m technically a white black person. There aren’t a lot of us, there were two of us but Michael passed away in 2009 (RIP) leaving me to be the only white black person left. I’m Haitian. My father was Haitian, my mother was a boring white person probably looking for something different. My dad was obviously some kind of non-white. I think he looked like Jesse Jackson’s chubbier twin. He had the mustache and the business afro that says, “I’m a brotha and I also have a bachelor’s degree in political science from an accredited university.” My dad emigrated here in the 60s. My parents wouldn’t tell me too much about his past until after he passed away which seems incredibly bad-ass but mainly it was just, “Mimi, your dad did some crazy shit. We’ll talk about it later.” I was told he was forced to leave Haiti, I don’t know if it was his parents or a mob of people carrying torches. Maybe his parents were carrying torches on the way to the airport. You guys, shit is CRAZY in Haiti. My dad always referred to himself as a mulatto. He considered himself to be pretty black. Martin Luther King Jr. was referred to as “The Reverend Doctor” in our household. My dad was president of the Black Student Union at De Anza College in the 70s. That’s black! He raised me and my sister to be proud black women. He would often say to us, “Never forget that you’re black.” Not daily. But almost. Dropping me off at school, “Bye, have a good day. Love you. Never forget that you’re black.” My dad was a southern baptist preacher but before that he was a communist. He was even a member of a communist group in Santa Cruz in the 80’s. They threw my mother a baby shower. A communist party you’d least suspect. Being a white black woman is cool. Sometimes men will tell me I look exotic and then ask me if I’m Persian. The easiest way to tell if a man is going to try to put it in your butt the first time you sleep together is if he calls you exotic the first time you meet him. I don’t know this from experience, but I just know. I guess this is one skill I’ve developed using my ambiguous ethnicity, I’m like a clairvoyant but for butts. 

Filed under communism Haiti ptsd race

1 note

"Who here is afraid of black people?"

I just found a page in my notebook of “jokes” and it says this:

Marijuana

- The last weed you sold me made me really offensive. I couldn’t stop typing in all caps. Maury. NY

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN

-Job-, Jizz, No GFs

-Red Bull-

-Autism Party- Ahh Mutants

Who here is afraid of black people?

Filed under autism party

2 notes

Girls and how it makes me feel :(

I guess I really don’t know what to say other then when I Googled “Lena Dunham bmi” I saw that she’s a size 8. A SIZE 8?! I am a size 8!! The worst part is that this upsets me. I’m upset that I’m upset that we’re the same size, I really mean that. I wish I didn’t need to Google “Lena Dunham bmi” but I had to. I couldn’t do anything else today until I found out if she was (from a scientific standpoint) overweight. I feel like I have to stop making fat jokes completely. Also, I can’t tell if the show is a drama or a comedy. Either way it makes me feel too many fake emotions and I just think I should get a job but I don’t want to finish college.

YOU GUYSSSSSSS :((((((((((((((

Filed under Girls Lena Dunham BMI

2 notes

courtingcomedy:

Tonight: Cameron Vannini @ Milk Bar. 1840 Haight St. SF. Free. 8PM. Featuring Jeff Anaya, Richard Dreyling, Eric Barry, Mimi Vilmenay, and Josh Marcus. Hosted by Matt Lieb. 

courtingcomedy:

Tonight: Cameron Vannini @ Milk Bar. 1840 Haight St. SF. Free. 8PM. Featuring Jeff Anaya, Richard Dreyling, Eric Barry, Mimi Vilmenay, and Josh Marcus. Hosted by Matt Lieb. 

0 notes

Why don’t you guys come watch me tell these jokes at Milk Bar on Haight st. tomorrow night? 8pm (maybe?) FREE 
Cameron Vanini headlines (he’s funny!)

Why don’t you guys come watch me tell these jokes at Milk Bar on Haight st. tomorrow night? 8pm (maybe?) FREE
Cameron Vanini headlines (he’s funny!)

Filed under jizzus

0 notes

Anonymous asked: Sorry about your PTSD.

Hey, it’s okay. Really. It is. PTSD does suck but if you take drugs or meditate to try to forget whatever terrible things you may have seen (google image search “hematoma”) then you can lead a normal life. I like to do drugs and yoga and all that kind of baloney but everyone is different.

If you have PTSD too I hope you’re taking care of yourself. There is nothing to be afraid of. (Except for the very possible threat of alien invasion and shark attacks.)

Also, not that I’m paranoid but Anonymous is so vague. Are you a spy?


(that was another PTSD joke)